Cupcakes, Blood, & Fancy-Ass Cameras


I did it! This past weekend I spent 3 days filming the first script that I wrote AND produced AND co-starred in.

The crew that worked on this project was absolutely incredible. We were so lucky to get such fantastic people to donate their time, but as I walked up on the first day and saw them unloading the equipment I literally stopped in my tracks as they pulled out the camera. Our DP, Jake Wilganowski, decided to shoot this on RED Dragon. For my tiny little webseries. Without a budget. *cue heavenly music*

Then the filming began. To say that there was a learning curve doesn't really give credit to my fire-ridden-brain half way through the first day of shooting. I learned SO MUCH about myself on camera. I learned SO MUCH about producing a project. I learned SO MUCH about developing a "character" for an episodic show.

I say "character" because this script was intentionally made to be a reflection of my life and experiences. Looking back I think that was a great idea. It felt like a really great first baby step for me into the land of episodic narrative.

Last week I had a chat with Sally about my recent camera time. I'm so aware of my insecurities on camera and want them to be fixed instantly, but that takes time and experience. Understood. One step forward, two steps back, huh?

I'm learning to "love the plateau" as my sister explains it.

I'm sad that we're done with filming this webseries for so. many. reasons. It was a literal dream come true for me and I wish I could have enjoyed that a little more. My attention was pulled in so many directions that I worry I didn't get out of it what I hoped. Here's a few of my learnings from the weekend:

- I need to stand up for myself more strongly. If there is something that I believe, it's ok to voice that.

- Don't let other creatives make me feel like I don't have as much to offer. (that one was mostly my own insecurities shining through. Everyone in this process was as lovely as any human could be to work with)

- It's OK to ask for another take. ...wish I figured that one out before the end of day one.

- Producing and Acting simultaneously is really. really. hard.

- Stand up for myself always.

(oops did I already say that last one?)

- My DP was magic incarnate.

Guys. I did it. I wrote a script that I'm really proud of, I worked really hard on making it something incredible, and I found a team of people who made it a reality.

I did it.

I'll try to ride this wave of exhaustion and pride and hopefully it'll land me in a more confident place. It was incredible to find the fun in film again this weekend.

What more could a girl ask for?


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