I'm headed into another busy few weeks of work and I'm starting to get excited.
Next week I'll be officially filming my first written piece of work. It's going to be a quick little webseries filled with heart and laughter. The people lined up to work on this project with me have been SO KIND to give their time and energy and I think it's going to turn out amazingly well. More than anything I'm proud of the fact that I'm finally putting myself out there.
Getting ready for that shoot has been a long process of patience and a major attempt at feeling my confidence in my work. We watched scenes last week in class and for the first time I had a real understanding of ME on camera.
For ages I've tried to perfect the balance of my stage training and my on camera training. I've working on toning down my facial expressions, toning down my energy, and TRYING to be something. But I realized watching my not-so-wonderful performance last week that I've put myself into this tiny little box of boring.
Toning down my volume- definitely necessary. But aside from that why am I trying to stifle the thing that actually makes me interesting? I'm an over-expressive person by nature...maybe it's time to stop trying to fight that and just let it happen. Maybe that's my magic in this business. I've lost my understanding of myself and my charisma in performing. I want to get back on stage and find that girl again. But I'm going to give it a go this week with our new scenes and maybe I'll be able to finally find the balance I've been looking for.
Maybe not. But at least I'm on a path. And I'm ready to work.