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“To be nobody but 

yourself in a world 

which is doing its best day and night to make you like 

everybody else means to fight the hardest battle 

which an...

Fight the Fight

January 16, 2015

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Make Fosse Proud

February 16, 2015

This week's blog has been particularly difficult for me. It seems like sharing basic thoughts shouldn't be an activity that takes effort, but week to week I find that sharing my world is just getting harder. 

 

Shouldn't this muscle be strengthening as time passes? 

 

Those thoughts have been swarming through my mind all week in all different forms and expletives, so I sat down and did some real soul searching. 

 

                                                            *************************************

 

I'm a person of substance. I have a very busy life with multiple different sides and angles and variety. So much substance, in fact, that there are days that I have a hard time remembering what day of the week it is, which city I'm supposed to be in, and who and what my time is dedicated to that day. 

 

I'm an artist in many ways. I sew (after years of wanting to learn, I finally did), I paint (inevitable: my mom is a professional artist), I write (see: Finding Better, the world's best soon-to-be movie), I doodle, I sing, I'm an aerial dancer (working on a burlesque routine with my lyra), and I act.

 

I'm obsessed with fashion, Mad Men, frozen dark chocolate, french fries, everything Marilyn Monroe, the smell of coffee and fresh books, the sound of cicada's in the summer, and water. (Yah, you heard me. Water.)

 

In the less exciting side of my world, I work out, organize files, CONSTANTLY clean my house, help my sis study for her medical board exams, run errands for my mom, and run the business side of my dad's medical practice. I'm an aunt to a poodle with pink hair and a mother to a pug and two kitties. I've overcome 3 major surgeries that changed my life, and I've travelled all around the world. 

 

Today, alone, I felt so many emotions in the span of one hour I thought I was going to burst from circuit overload. 

 

                                                          *****************************************

 

Oddly, being real is something difficult for me. 

 

I never thought that it was difficult to be real until one day I stood in front of a camera and was asked to just be me. There's no lens more introspective than that camera lens. I wish I could call it an out-of-body experience to perform, but honestly my best performances leave me buzzing, dazed, and VERY confused about what just happened. I have performance blindness. 

 

                                                      *********************************************

 

We're being asked to be commercial actors this week. I had an idea of what commercial acting was, but last week a lightbult popped over my head and said OHHHH! 

 

....They need us to be spin-doctors. 

 

I HAVE the experience to be likable to random ad executives. I just need to know how to spin that experience into being the perfect girlfriend to the product that they never knew they couldn't live without. 

 

Finding the clarity and conviction of being the brightest shiniest version of myself on camera will always be a struggle for me I think. I have to be real. But at the same time I have to be perfect. Maybe it's a mind-body connection that hasn't clicked with me yet. Will it ever? It has to. 

 

I have to sing a song WHILE dancing the choreography AND smile all at the same time. 

 

New mantra: Make Fosse proud.

 

 

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